Remember me
by GPR
Summary: After Kate's death, the team reflect on their thoughts and feelings for her.
1. Gibbs

I hardly ever write in first person, but I came up with this idea and it sort of needs to be written in first person, so here it is...hope it's good.

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Kate died because of me. She took one bullet for me...then the second. Sometimes I can still see her sitting at her desk, or standing in front of mine. Grinning as she usually did, happy and bubbly as though nothing was out of the normal.

But it is, she's dead. Katelyn Todd is dead. I saw her die; I have seen so many people die, and yet Kate's death feels so different...

I think I know why, I've been denying it for so long. I'm so arrogant, there was something there, I just never said anything, never did anything and I hate myself for doing so. I loved Kate and I never told her, never...

Did she love me? Did she feel the same and tried to ignore it like I did? I've seen the sketches she drew of me...beautifully drawn and I know she took ages to pencil it. Her hands were always so delicate; I guess that's what makes her a brilliant artist.

There was always the glances, the stares and looking intently...she knew, she knew the moment I met her on that god damn government plane how I felt, she just took no notice of it, dismissed it idly prehaps...maybe she thought it wasn't possible that I was in love with her...still love her.

She was vivacious and spirited, incredibly intelligent and amazingly talented. She was so different from my ex's...dark haired for one example, and her eyes...so beautiful, so dark. My heart aches not to see her, if I did...if I could, I'd kiss her. I'd hold her close and never let her go. I'd whisper my unsaid love in her ear, my hands cupping her face and looking deep into her eyes like I've never done before.

I don't care about anything anymore...Kate's dead...my Kate. My friend, my agent...my love. This pain inside me is so painful; I can see DiNozzo looking at me, concerned. I don't care...I don't care.

'You alright DiNozzo?' I choke back my own tears, it's then I see tears welling up in his own.

'Sure...' he trails off and sits behind his desk, his thoughts obviously on a long lost memory of Kate...I can see her, she's shouting furiously about why she took two bullets instead of one. She points to the gunshot wound in the middle of her forehead and yells, 'Why Gibbs? Why me?'

'I don't know Kate...I don't know...' I whisper, and all of a sudden she's gone. She sits behind her desk, a scowl visible on her face and atacks the keyboard with vehermence...but the keys don't move. She looks up at me through a tear strained face.

'I'm dead Gibbs...oh my god...I'm dead!' she breaks down in tears and slowly fades into nothing. Kate is gone.

All I can feel are the tears rolling down my own cheeks.

Kate is gone...

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Review! Review! Review! Please!

GPR


	2. Tony

Here's Tony's thoughts, hope you like it sorry it took awhile!

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I bought four coffees, one for McGee, one for Gibbs, one for me and one for Kate. The only thing is, when all our coffee's gone, Kate's will still be sitting there, untouched and growing cold.

It was force of habit that made me buy it, I know no-one will drink because it's Kate's and no-one else likes it as sweet as she does…just like no-one likes Gibbs' because it's too strong.

I start to screw pages from my notepad into balls and throw them one-by-one into the bin beside Kate's desk – her bin. After seven throws I expect the words, 'DiNozzo, stop it.' To be said, but no-ones does because they're Kate's words I'm expecting…and she's not here, not anymore. I throw the tenth one and I expect the words, 'Tony, if you don't stop that now, I'm going to hang you from the overhang!' but the playful death threat never comes and I know it'll never be said again, not by Kate. Eventually I throw the twentieth one, a record for me…that's because either Kate would have started throwing pens at me or Gibbs would have given me a glare I would have dared not contend with.

Gibbs is non-responsive…which is the strangest thing I've ever experienced, he looks as though the world has come to an end…which is partly true, Kate's dead…I can't believe it, it has sunk in, not quite yet.

I laugh at the idea that Kate's dead, but she's not sitting in front of me…oh my god…Kate's dead, she's gone and she's not coming back…

I put my head in my hands and try to steady my breathing, it doesn't work and I can feel myself crying. My partner is dead, my friend…hell she felt like my sister…

I don't want to think about it, it's a few moments later though that I realise that I'm still wearing the clothes I wore on top of the roof…her blood is specked all over me and for a moment I can barely speak let alone breathe…

I want her back, I want to piss her off one last time…or say goodbye at least. But I can't, I know I can't and it's killing me.

That bastard Ari killed the only person I ever saw as a sister…and I swear that Osama Bin Laden worshipping terrorist is going to pay. Hell I'm gonna impregnate him with petrol and set fire to him, maybe before hand I'll make him tap dance or make him shoot his own sister whilst holding a gun to his head and see how he likes it.

To heck with it, Ari is going to die and I'll happily be the one to pull the trigger.

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Please the review.

GPR


	3. McGee

Sorry it's taken long to UD, but I'm trying to finish my novel ASAP and I'm finding it increasingly hard!

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How can Kate be dead? It's not possible...she can't be...but she is. I don't want to see her lying on Ducky's autopsy table, I'm starting to feel sick just thinking about it. I've been camping out in Abby's lab for the past half an hour...I can't stand to talk to anyone, neither can Abby. She's gone unusually quiet and deathly pale...it's not her at all.

I don't feel quiet right...it's like there's a big part of me missing and I can't seem to fill it because that's the space Kate used to occupy.

I remember hearing from Kate that when undercover, Tony pretended he had a shitzu called Kate...which is a little annoying dog. She had chased him through the bullpen, gun drawn and eyes blazing...Tony had just laughed, that was until he ran out of breath and she managed to wrestle him to the floor.

I miss her...I think everyone does, especially Gibbs...he's being nice to everyone. It's not like him and Tony's not exactly liking it...

I want things to be the same again, Kate behind her desk, Gibbs snapping at us in turn and Abby playing her music on full blast...but none of those things are the same anymore, I'm not sure I can let go of Kate...not just yet.

Abby's looking miserable, and I can't help her at all...I feel as desolate as she does and quite frankly...I've never felt this bleak before. Death probably triggers the most depressing emotion you can feel...sadness.

I want to kill the guy who but the bullet in her head... I'm feeling sick with myself, I want to kill him but I've never been like this before. I'm not a bloodthirsty killer and yet knowing what he did to Kate makes me want to be...

If the ground could miraculously swallow me whole then I'd welcome it without hesitation.

Not only am I worried about myself...it's everyone else.

For once at NCIS headquarters, everything's quiet as though everyone is mourning the death of Katelyn Todd...

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Please review, because I need reviews to take my mind off my novel every now and then...god it's hard!

GPR


	4. Abby

I had a lot of fun writting Abby's POV, yes, Abby's mind is very fun to write!

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Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm.

How can I be calm!? I want to kick something. I want hit something. Where's McGee? I need a Caf-pow. Now.

It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true.

To hell with it! Why? She can't be! Not Kate. Not Kate. Why Kate!? Why was she shot!? Why couldn't it have been someone else like that really annoying guy on the second floor!?

Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place. Go to your happy place.

Stuff the happy place! Damn whoever invented that bloody thing! It's not possible. I want to kill someone! I want to kill Ari!

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Okay, feeling calmer. That's good Abby. Very good…I need some cookie dough or ice cream. Oh, damn depression. Why? Why am I crying? I want Kate! Why's Kate dead? She was my friend…

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

Sod Mossad, sod terrorists…sod George Bush come to think of it. Sod life, sod guns-

'Abby?'

Sod McGee.

'Abby?'

Sod McGee.

'Abby?'

'What?' I snap angrily, 'Can't I have five minutes of peace to myself so I can sort out all the bloody chaos in it?'

'Sorry…' McGee mutters, watching me as though I'm about to decapitate him.

Life sucks. Depression sucks…heck I feel depressed, I feel miserable. I need prozak. I need a lot of things. Mainly I need Kate…I want my friend back, is that so much to ask for?

I condemn god. I condemn heaven. It wasn't her time…but like they say, there's a bullet out there somewhere with your name on it. She should have carved 'Kate' on to one of her bullets from her gun, then she would have always had it with her and she wouldn't have been killed. That's what I did, I nicked one of Tony's.

I feel totally. I keep closing my eyes but I can't block her out. Kate's still there. I can remember everything she ever said to me…everything I ever said to her, it's like it's a script permanently engraved in my mind.

Kate's gone…no, she can't be, can she?

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Please review

GPR


	5. Ducky

last chapter, hopefully I'll have more time to UD Always forever, I just put chapter seven of AF up, so look it up.

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Her brown eyes won't open anymore, her dark tresses will lose their waves and she will never smile again. Katelyn Todd lies on a cold metal draw in my autopsy, her skin porcelain since the blood loss has drained the warm colour from her cheeks.

She was a beautiful woman, young and free, careless and spirited. No one deserves to die, least of all her.

I watch her lifeless form with a saddened smile playing across my pained face. Too many people have come into my autopsy only to be cut up and sent back out, never before has it been someone I knew quite like her. I saw her everyday, completely unaware of the fate her god lay down bare before her.

I guess we can't pick and choose our deaths, it happens and we have to accept that fact…as mysterious as it may be.

There are times, thinking back now, when I thought Katelyn knew Ari was the one to sign her death warrant. The one to pull the trigger which made a bullet carve a small hole in the middle of her head. The one who would kill her in cold blood.

She looks peaceful enough, if it wasn't for the shot wound just above her brow. She looks pretty even in death.

A waste of beauty. That's what it is. A waste of a brilliant and talented human's life. I've never seen an entire team take such a hard hit before. Jethro, Antony, Timothy and Abigail are in pieces.

I suppose it's time. I can't stand here all day, gazing at her motionless face. As hard as it is for me to do so, I slide the draw into the wall, close the metal door and lock it into place.

It's over.

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Short and sweet. Review if you wish.

GPR


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